oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize