One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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