he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
