If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
