another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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