Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
