I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
