Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
