I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
