I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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