we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
