Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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