He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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