Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
