Need sex. Gaining weight.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
