I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
