Soap is not a condiment
Screwed.edu
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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