yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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