I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize