forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
high people should be assigned attendants
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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