Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
