it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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