i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
