Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
