3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
