i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
