no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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