this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
