Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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