Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize