I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
