I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
