I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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