she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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