so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
