I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
