sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
