He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
