That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Randomize
