Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
