Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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