It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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