Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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