Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
