You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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