so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
