My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
