just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
