I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
fuck your aforementioned shoe
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
