drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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