Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize