i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
