my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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