would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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