my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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