I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Couch. On fire.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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