I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
