it wasn't lemon gatorade
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
