I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we made out on top of his cat.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
