guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
