Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
