mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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