I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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