dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
