Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
