he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
