Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
