I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
